SORRY I CAN'T GO OUT TONIGHT, RALPH, I'M GETTING MARRIED

NOTE: I posted this about a year ago, but turns out that this evening is the true anniversary of that fateful night. I was getting married. But Ralph didn't know that, and he called anyway.

Read on.

_____________________________________________________________________________

The ceremony was happening at 7:00PM and everyone was hanging about my parents' house, bridesmaids dresses in the corner and all the groomsmen elsewhere waiting for the limo.

The phone rang.

Now bear in mind this was an age prior to the internet or cell phones or anything else of that sort.

My mother picked up the phone and shot a peculiar look into my eyes. "It's for you," she said, and handed over the receiver.

I was in a robe, four of my cousins were fiddling with my hair and the makeup wasn't on just yet.

Who was it, I asked? My mother answered, "It is Ralph."

Yikes.

Ralph -- and yes, the name is real -- used to call me all the time in hopes I'd go out with him. 

Never happened. But the calls came anyway, at a time when things like caller ID didn't exist.

"You busy?" he said. 

"Yes, Ralph, very," I countered, swatting off someone's hand holding a hairbrush.

"Just wanted to talk for a little bit."

"Ralph, I can't talk much now. I've got plans." More swatting. 

"Really? What?"

"Ralph, I'm getting married."

Dead silence at the other end of the phone.

"Married, married?" he snorted. 

"Married, Ralph."

"When?"

"About two hours from now."

More dead silence. Then a deep breath. I was busy swatting at my cousin Mary, who can be really pushy with a hair brush.

"So I guess you are busy tonight."

"Yes, Ralph."

Dead silence at the other end of the phone, again.

"I guess I should let you go," he said. 

"Yep. Sorry, Ralph."

He hung up. My mother gave me a funny look and all of the people in my house started to guffaw.

Amen, and pass the bridal bouquet.