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There are two ways to think of an appendix:
1. a section of extra material at the end of a book
2. a tubular sac at the lower end of your intestine
Well, the second definition has no longer any meaning in my life. I am without an appendix, a preface or a glossary. Okay, I'll stop the book jokes.
It started in the middle of the night, like these things always do. I woke up feverish, my entire abdomen distended and myself feeling much like an overblown balloon. It didn't take long before my brain registered that something was definitely off - and after making a couple of calls to one of those online doctor services, it was time to act.
I got myself to the Emergency Room -- actually I DROVE myself to the ER because no ambulance was coming-- which in the middle of this blasted Covid 19 pandemic was a miracle in and of itself. I managed to screech "It's either my gall bladder or my appendix, people!" and somehow my bent over frame and twisted facial features gave credibility to my self-diagnosis.
One CAT scan later the ER docs proved that the useless appendage had ruptured (I keep saying it blew up because it sounds more dramatic) and I was in the OR where I went to that place you go when they give you anesthesia. I may have hollered at a couple of the guys in the OR not to drop me, but I am not totally sure.
Afterwards a couple of doctors mumbled at me in my semi-drugged state that my-former-appendix had indeed ruptured but not too spectacularly, which is why they handled things laparoscopically. Or so I understand. I asked to see the damn thing but they looked at me the same way the OR people did when I yelled at them not to drop me.
It's been a few weeks now, and I have a couple of pings here and there depending on how I get out of a chair or the bed. I'm about 98 percent okay, with setbacks on occasion when I just seem to run out of steam with very little warning. I consider myself damn lucky that during the Corona Virus pandemic I got in and out of a hospital with several ounces of myself missing and a few stitches.
After this whole thing I'm convinced that we should routinely yank out a person's appendix as soon as humanly possible. The damn thing is useless, does absolutely nothing except EXPLODE with no warning and then wreaks havoc. Wouldn't it be simpler if we just made a little cut and got rid of the appendix before it woke you up in the middle of the night?
Amen, and pass the IV.
It's a terrible thing to consider that as part of the Corona Virus/ Covid 19 pandemic there will be a side effect which Darwinians will tell us was coming all along.
Chances are that the stupid people, the ones who take chances and don't pay attention to common sense, will more likely die in bigger numbers simply because survival of the fittest is a fact. Ask Darwin.
It's all about natural selection. In theory, natural selection refers to the notion that the fittest, the strongest and most intelligent are most likely to survive and pass along their genetics.
This is a photograph I saw today on one of the Facebook pages. It shows numerous residents of a particular community all crowded onto a bike path during the middle of a global pandemic which is killing thousand of humans.
I present the photo as classic proof that Darwin and others who believed in natural selection are right.
These ninnies are outside and crowded together walking about during a global pandemic in which the Covid 19 virus is wiping out thousands of people with no end in sight. A killer virus.
Yes, killer. You know, in which humans die after suffering a painful time being unable to breathe. And oh, yeah, begging for a ventilator to save their sorry arses even at a time when ventilators are scarce.
The whole thing is based on the stupid notion that these stupid people have about fresh air. They are going to die if they don't get fresh air, will die if they don't walk outside surrounded by other nincompoops seeking exactly that same fresh air. That they could die by contracting the virus isn't entering their empty heads.
See the two in the middle? They have a kid. They are putting their child very much in harms way. Do that to yourselves, fools, but not your kid.
Somebody should report them to the Department of Children and their Families.
And the rest of you? Those walking on the path in search of fresh air? Think of the droplets that are hovering around -- droplets which could contain that virus. Those droplets could kill you. Natural selection strikes again. Darwin would laugh at you.
Amen, and pass the toilet paper.
I have never been a tremendous follower of "royalty," as in those people who are born with crowns and castles with moats. A lot of their activities, it always seemed to me, were a tremendous waste of money and resources.
Counterintuitively, I have always been a staunch admirer of one member of the British Royal Family --- Queen Elizabeth II. Today, my admiration went up a notch. Again.
In the middle of the Corona Virus/Covid 19 horror show, Queen Elizabeth II gave a brief and well written address to the UK and the world with respect to the situation.
Her presentation was simple -- an emerald green dress, three strands of pearls and the ubiquitous brooch. No need for bling during this somber moment.
This is a woman who is 94 years old and has seen her share of life's ups and downs. While she spoke, her oldest son Prince Charles was recovering from his symptoms of the virus. So was her Prime Minister Boris Johnson who is now hospitalized because he's having difficulties breathing.
Never mind the thousands of Britons who were suffering from the virus or had lost their lives as a result.
Her voice was strong, her cadence perfectly timed, the length of time she spoke was sufficient. The Queen spoke that this time would define "our present and our future," and urged Britons to remain united and resolute to overcome the challenge.
"I hope in the years to come, everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge," she said. "And those who come after us will say that the Britons of this generation were as strong as any."
I'm a journalist by training and very frankly have very little trust in public figures, and when I hear a "speech" I often wonder who scribbled what words we heard from any of them.
Queen Elizabeth has her speech writers and of course consults often with her husband Prince Philip as to what she might say during one of these occasions. Did she write her own address today? The curt and simple sentences leave me to believe that answer is mostly yes.
Given the shenanigans by many of the political figures in the United States recently, I found myself hanging on to every word she said. There were no silly statements, no half-truths, no digs at anyone in the audience.
There were the words spoken by a woman who has been knocked down many times and gets up again, dusts herself off and keeps going. Let's not forget she is named after Elizabeth I, another feisty, incredible leader and historic figure.
Would that some of our leaders here in the US took a page out of their "how to" book and channeled the energy of both Elizabeths. We could sure use it.
Amen, and pass the toilet paper.
If you knew my late mother you would understand how difficult it is for me to write something that acknowledges she was right about anything.
My mother was ALWAYS right. You learned early in the game that arguing with her was a waste of time. Now I didn't say I went along with much of what she said - I, too, have my stubborn streak.
But these days I've been hearing two of her dictums so often that it's like she has come back to life and is haunting me.
WASH YOUR HANDS!
DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE!
I heard those words every single day an untold number of times.
Now they are everywhere -- with good reason, as these two simple sentences are being counseled as one of the major methods to hold off that heinous, absolutely putrid Corona Virus/ Covid 19.
Somewhere I know my mother is shouting from the rooftops "Wash your hands! Don't touch your face!" a bunch of times a day. She's programming the planet to scream right alongside her.
Come on, you know you want to.
WASH YOUR HANDS!
DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE!
I never really got an answer from my mother as to why those two sentences were so important to impart to her children.
But now, I get the idea, Mom, trust me. I'm doing as I'm told. And thanks a bunch.
You were right.
Amen, and pass the toilet paper.
First and foremost, I am not a doctor nor any type of medical person. Just an observer and writer of what is going on around me.
The latest twist in the ongoing Corona Virus/Covid 19 saga is whether or not people should wear face masks out in public.
At first the word was not to wear them and leave them for medical personnel for obvious reasons -- they are first in the line of fire. There is a shortage, allegedly. I certainly have not seen them on store shelves.
The last few days, however, that story has changed -- like it always does if you pay attention. Now some are "suggesting" they be worn outside the house etc. In other words, some of the politicos have smartened up and trying to avert lawsuits down the road.
How clueless are you? Do you have to be told by some "authority figure" to do something which makes sense? If an elephant was running at you would you ask me if you should get out of the way or just .... get it?
In my view anyone who went out of the house the last couple of weeks and did not wear anything at all over their mouth and nose are card carrying examples of people who will end up winning a Darwin Award. In case you don't know about those, check here: Darwin Awards
In this photograph I am wearing a 100% cotton squeaky clean kitchen towel. It's one of the "good ones" which only gets used as decoration so it is in mint condition.
I'm telling you -- wear the masks and the gloves. Is it going to kill you? Probably not.
But the likelihood of something killing you if you don't wear masks and gloves are a bit higher.
Pay attention, cover your mouth and nose. Pretend you are hanging out with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Whatever it takes.
Amen, and pass the toilet paper.
Yeah, you read right. Corona Virus: April Fool.
What a joke.
April 1 has long been a day in which pranksters, jokesters, clowns and silly people of all ages bring out their inner child. The idea is to pull off a pun or joke on somebody and then when the person doesn't quite "get it" you yell out APRIL FOOL! and then look for another patsy.
This April 1, the entire human race is under an enormous APRIL FOOL type of episode, but it's not funny.
It's not remotely amusing.
I spent a part of my day watching news -- something that at another time of my life (when I worked in news) I did as routine.
Today I was looking for a snipet of information from Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. I was wondering when, if ever, he was going to shut down the state like a bunch of us have been pleading for him to do.
That's so we don't end up with a bazillion dead people thanks to the spread of --- THE CORONA VIRUS! THAT FREAKING THING WE ALL LOVE TO HATE!!!!!
He finally did it this afternoon -- but only after nearly having to pull each and every one of the guy's teeth out of his head by a whole bunch of people higher up on the food chain than apparently the entire population of Florida.
Dude, bow much do you want to be re-elected?
Apparently, not much. April fool? We will see.
Amen, and pass the toilet paper.
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