GROCERY GRIPES

Personal Watermelons at $3.99.

That was the signage at my local market recently, posted neatly above a stack of cantaloupes that were actually posing as watermelons.

No, really -- these things were puny, albeit terribly cute as fruit goes, nestled neatly in a tiny box right next to oranges which comparatively speaking were huge. 

The sign left me scratching my own head/melon. A "personal" melon? Really? As opposed to what, an "impersonal" one? Was this an editorial statement on the philosophical nature of the actual fruit?

And if not, why didn't they simply call it a Mini-Melon and be done with it?

But then again I've not been terribly impressed by the caliber of many people I've encountered who work in supermarkets lately. High school aged workers stare at produce and are stumped by much of it -- one kid stared at a bunch of asparagus so long that his manager came over and just identified it for him, with a curt apology to me.

So when I happened upon this other sign at the same grocery store just a couple days later, I was at a loss for words.

The sign was hawking "Canadian Strawberries" which according to the yodel that created the poster, "Taste Just Like Native Strawberries." 

Huh? I mean, look at the photograph. The "Canadian" berries are red enough, plump enough and certainly pretty enough -- why would they taste any different than those found in the US?

Does the word nincompoop fit here?

Amen, and pass the apologies to all Canadians.