TWINKIE TROUBLES

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

We've just finished an election cycle that has most of us reeling in its wake, not to mention the majority of the Northeast United States is coping with the aftermath of late season Hurricane Sandy.

And let's not talk about the alleged hijinks of a highly placed military official. 

Now, we have twinkie troubles, too.

A worker's strike is forcing parent company Hostess Brands, Inc  to shut down three of the plants where the gummy, not easily digestible goodies are made. The potential for a Twinkie shortage had talk shows atwitter this morning, images of aficionados/addicts stockpiling cases in a basement bunker. 

Think on it -- Twinkie prohibition! Speakeasy style eateries could mushroom right in your own neighborhood, spearheaded by savvy, internet connected kids with access to smartphones and tablets working out of a treehouse in the backyard. Almost like the Keebler elves.

The best part of this enterprise is the shelf life of Twinkies (supposedly 25 days according to Hostess) but anyone who has ever had them in the house knows is way longer than that before kids will stop eating them. Twinkies will be saved by the children and adults who should know better: they land like cement blocks in the stomach and stay there for quite some time. 

You can ask Nuno, a former colleague of mine who entered a Twinkie Eating Contest with me at work (I fed him the treats and he chewed slowly and methodically as his face got more and more ashen) that having more than one or two is not a smart move.

And did I add Hostess claims it takes forty five seconds for a Twinkie to explode in a microwave? Bad eats and entertainment, how much more can you ask of a product? Start stocking up now, America.

Amen, and pass the antacids, please.